“When there is nothing about you or anyone else that
you are afraid to look at,
the darkness has no more power over you”.
Paul Ferrini (Everyday
Wisdom).
 |
| Arwen Barr 2012 |
How do we address the unease
that arises when we feel deep dislike for certain kinds of people? Perhaps we
don’t even know them, but we feel anger and hostility coming off them in waves
and our usual ways of coping just don’t apply.
Most of us know the
discomfort we feel when another person seems aloof, self centered and sometimes
mean or vindictive. No matter how friendly we are they remain unaffected. Our
niceness just doesn't cut it.
This brings the issue of
authenticity clearly into focus. Are we remaining true to ourselves or
projecting our own unhealed parts onto the person and acting as if it were
true? There is difference. The coldness we experience just might be an aspect
of a frozen part of our own psyche.
Deep down we feel cut off
from our One-ness with others and ourselves and the feeling of self-betrayal leaves
us feeling helpless and angry. Just how did we get off track anyway? One
solution is to sit with the unease and notice what it is triggering within us.
As Annie notes: “We welcome back that part … that believes
it made a big mistake, is cut off from love, and deserves to be punished. Our role is to see it, acknowledge it, listen
to it, soften towards it, open to joining with it, offer to feel it fully, and
embrace it as we would a long-lost best friend. And in this willingness to surrender
resistance, this opening to unconditional love, we invite and patiently await
the voice of authenticity to guide our insights and actions.”
Yes, it’s a tall order to
admit that our dislikes of others stem from our dislike of aspects of
ourselves. We turn the hour-glass over and acknowledge that we must be willing
to give up every strategy we think might make us popular, likeable, or socially
acceptable and toss niceness out with the rest of the illusions.
It is only by embracing our
wholeness that we can feel our True Self
beckoning. In sitting with our authenticity we may decide to walk away and be
unconcerned about the outcome of the situation. We may feel the need to speak
out. Either way, the choice that leaves us feeling authentic is the one that
moves away from the turmoil of the ‘shoulds’ and towards a deeper sense of
satisfaction and inner peace.
Melanie
Melanie