Waking Up with Sandra Maitri

The Light Tree has been spending time recently looking at the enneagram system of personality typing for its insights on healing and spiritual awakening.  Sandra Maitri offers an eloquent account of the process of waking up (The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram:  Nine Faces of the Soul, 2000). This occurs in a chapter devoted to the ninth of the nine enneagram personality types, which she calls the “mother of all ennea-types.”

 

Arwen Barr

Maitri explains that nines are most purely anchored in the core wound that underpins all the types in one way or another: falling asleep to one's true nature.  Nines believe that their presence and absence is not important.  They tend to inertia, indecision, passiveness; their fear of the pain of their worthlessness leads them avoid the limelight, to gloss over problems, put others before themselves, and put on a sunny, pleasant face no matter what. 

According to Maitri, the healing journey for nines and for all of us looks like this. I have bolded the bits I find particularly resonant:

 
For a Nine, this radical shift in focus—from outside of herself to what is going on within—is a huge step and is the key to her unfoldment. … Really grappling with her habitual tendency to ignore and neglect herself … will rapidly confront a Nine with her profound sense of worthlessness … and unlovability.... As she allows and feels into this extremely painful sense of inadequacy and of inferiority, memories... that gave rise to and supported this sense of herself will surface and need to be digested. …

“Simultaneously taking real action will mean connecting with and fully inhabiting her body.  Rather than skipping over and minimizing her inner sensations, she will need to become attuned to them.... Making deep experiential contact with her body will bring up all of the years of neglect, and probably much grief will be experienced.  The more that she fully abides in her body and focuses her attention within it, the more she is … contacting as well as supporting a sense of her own inherent value and self-worth.  Also, the more she pays attention to her body, the more she will begin noticing and listening to her emotions, and the sharper and clearer her mind will become.  She will increasingly feel more alive and more a part of life. …

“The more present she becomes, the more she will become aware of her absence of contact with her essential nature, which may feel like a huge hole in her soul.  As she allows herself to feel into this hole and to be curious about it, rather than escaping from it into sleepiness or distractions, she will find that what she had experienced as a deficient emptiness changes. ...The emptiness becomes a spaciousness, and over time all the qualities of Being [which she itemizes as: Loving Kindness, Strength, Intelligence, Joy, Peace, Impeccability, and Nourishment, among others (29)] will gradually arise in her consciousness as she makes this inner descent over and over again.  For a long time, it will seem to her that Being comes and goes, until a sort of critical mass is reached in her soul, and her identity shifts from her personality to Being.  Then Being will feel like the ground of her experience....

“Eventually, the shell of her personality will become more and more transparent to Being and … she will find herself experiencing, embodying, and manifesting the quality of Being she has tried to emulate, Living Daylight.  Her inner experience will gradually change from feeling deficient, unloved, unimportant, and overlooked to feeling sustained, taken care of, and inseparable from a beneficent  universe filled with love and blessings (62-65).

And elsewhere, Maitri explains  her reference to “Living Daylight”.  This is “the quality of  Being that Ennea-type Nine emulates....  It is called this because that is what it feels like when we contact this particular presence:  warm and life-giving sunlight.  We feel held in a sweet and gentle presence that is totally loving, beneficent, and well disposed toward us.  We feel that we can relax and let go, and that we will be held and supported by a universe that is suffused with goodness, and that is inherently kind and life affirming.  It is the gentle and loving presence that pervades and sustains all of creation [what I call “an unfathomable gentleness”], which in some traditions is referred to as Cosmic or Divine Love, and in the theistic traditions is what is meant by the concept of God. (p. 60)

Annie

Art as Practice

“There’s another route to centre: a more reckless and extravagant path, which is attained not by storing up that energy or concentrating life force, but through throwing it all away----or giving it away.  The unitive point is reached not through the concentration of being, but the free squandering of it….”

Cynthia Bourgeault, The Wisdom Jesus (2008).   

Our work at The Light Tree seems to be leading us away from our usual ways of knowing toward a deeper, easier and more fruitful path. It seems that the less we try to lead with our mind, the more we feel fully into the heart.

Cynthia Bourgeault calls this Kenosis, or ‘Self-Emptying Love’. By letting go of what we think we know, we enter into ‘Beginners mind’ a state considered essential to Buddhist teachings. We cannot be transformed if we think we know what it looks like, or how to get there.

Heart knowing is just that: our mind alone cannot know. Only by dropping down into our heart can be we begin to feel the depths of its love and wisdom. This awakened sense dissolves all our petty grievances and worldly need for fairness. We are content to let life unfold without our grasping, fearful need to control outcomes.

Creating art is a path of self-awareness for some of us; Melanie has been using it as a practice for developing compassion for her need to see instant results perfectly. Needless to say, nothing blocks the creative process more than the minds need to cling to its ideals of ‘how something should look’.

In a recent conversation with heart-centred Victoria artist Linny D. Vine, she was reminded to “use bigger brushes and more paint” whenever the urge to create something tight and small arises. Linny explained that the “magic happens” in a painting when the minds idea of perfection is set aside and spirit flows freely through the artist.

 

With this in mind, Melanie began painting this image of a tree, which was initially intended to be flowery and cartoon-like for her grand-daughter’s bedroom. She committed to sit back and be guided how the painting wanted to unfold and watch the ego-mind chatter away with all its criticisms and fear-comments. At each step she waited until it felt clear to proceed to the next stage and an image of what to do next appeared in her mind and heart.

 

 

In this process the mind is only the screen upon which the heart sends its messages to the body. For her, the heart sends  bursts of energy in ‘packets’ of fully formed ideas and simply says, its ok to make a mess. It’s ok to screw up. There are no mistakes. You are taken care of. Laugh more….. 

The Holy Comb-Over

 

At our A Course in Miracles group this morning, we were sharing about what it means to join.   Specifically, we referred to what the Course calls “the little willingness,” that moment of choice when we turn to face our aversion, our resistance, our judgment of others or ourselves, and we simply stop: stop spinning the stories, the attack thoughts, the perseverating, and just witness.  The Course refers to this as the moment of forgiveness, when we shift from fear to love, from running away to staying present.   We all acknowledged that while we can practice “the little willingness” to turn towards the truth, we can't predict when we might actually experience the shift from misperception to truth, or in Course language, the ego's undoing, or “awakening”: that part is not up to us. 

One group member, R., told a story about an early running experience he had; he entered a bliss state that was so profound, he continued running for four hours non-stop. He explained that he has often sought to recapture the experience but it is elusive, his point being that we don't control our healing process, certainly not by trying to heal.  We can only practice “the little willingness,” that is, showing up as a witness in the place we perceive as scary or challenging and waiting there for Spirit to transform our awareness.   

Laughing, R. added (I am paraphrasing):  “whole religions are built on misunderstanding this process ---- if someone happened to be combing his or her hair when he/she experienced a moment of “enlightenment,” then in an effort to recapture the experience, followers of this “enlightened one” might build up elaborate practices around the perfect hairdo needed for enlightenment.”   

After the gathering, the subject of the Holy Hairdo, which Christine and I began to call it, came irresistibly into our joint awareness, not without a lot of giggling:  we were flooded with a myriad of possible rituals, how-to-manuals, codes of conduct, and learned texts on the subject of the perfect holy “do.” 

It occurred to us that not only would it be critically important to comb and arrange one's hair perfectly in accordance with the enlightened one's coif, it would also be important to have the right tools for the task.  The right comb, and brush, the right hair gels, waxes, and/or hairspray to hold the hairdo in place would be essential.  Of course, there would be rituals also for the correct washing, conditioning, and drying of the hair, not to mention highly recommended scalp massage protocols.  Inevitably there would be desirable times of day for the rituals of haircare to be performed, with regulations that it be done in private, or only in the company of men or women. 

Many practices might grow up around the issue of hair loss, notably the pros and cons of combing-over.  Some particularly blessed individuals, despite balding, who have extremely luxuriant hair growth on their upper backs, might, with the use of sanctified hair waxes, manage to grow their back hair up and over the crowns of their heads.  This would surely be viewed as the most revered of holy comb-overs.

 

 

 

 

Then, with the passage of centuries, various sects would develop among followers, as confusion inevitably crept in over what the enlightened one's “do” originally, authentically, looked like (no photography existing at the time of the original combing, and anyway, photographs can be faked).  Debates among rival viewpoints would fracture the body of knowledge and practice surrounding enlightenment hair care.  Possibly the most divisive ideological point would turn on the issue of hair pieces and hair transplants.  One sect might be quite inclusive making a place for those deemed to be less desirable, dare we say, hairless, while the other main sect would remain committed to purity. Only those working with their own, god-given hair would qualify to be saved and hence be admitted to heaven.

Finally, of course, there would be a whole array of sacred relics: the holy comb used by the enlightened one, his (probably his not her) brush, his washing basin, his drying towels.  There would also be actual clumps of his hair to be venerated, even holy dandruff to be housed in special vials, which would allow the devoted ready viewing of the treasure, but secure it from vandals and pagans. There would also be pilgrimages made to the sites where these holy relics reside.

Needless to say, despite conscientious application of all these practices, followers of the “enlightened one” would continue to find enlightenment mysteriously elusive.  Meanwhile, a whole religion is born.

…..... Or, there is that other choice: to stop and remember to smile and perhaps occasionally belly-laugh at the ego mind and all its confections.

Annie and Christine

Intuition of the Heart

“Even when you become adept at accessing your intuition, the intellect will remain a powerful force in your life. The world pays great homage to information…In practicing this new communication with your soul, notice when you find yourself relying on your intellect. When you recognize this impulse, simply draw yourself down into your heart, as though your eyes and ears were there…The Soul’s perspective is infused with enthusiasm and fearlessness and an exquisite Love of self.” 

The Message: A Guide to Being Human. LD Thompson (2011).

 

 

Julia Day 2012

 

At The Light Tree, the four of us have experienced many life changing events over the last few weeks. We are always grateful to be reminded that is it helpful to view the experience through the lens of intuitive guidance. This has enabled us to experience a deeper sense of peace whenever we are tempted to view our life situations through the five senses and our intellect.

It is interesting to notice when we feel tired, distressed, achy or irritable. Quite often these are symptoms that we are relying on our intellect to make sense of the world. We have become over-identified with using its tiny perspective to make sense of information that appears to be coming into our field of awareness.

 

Our ego-mind tries to convince us that it is keeping us safe by projecting our concerns into the future or using references from the past to make comparisons. Any sense of discomfort is a sign that we have strayed away from the present moment which is potent with infinite possibilities.

This explanation by Paul Ferrini helps us to remember why it is essential to step out of the limitations of fear into openness and the expectation of miracles….

“It is the nature of the ego to become attached to the past, and to project the past forward into the future. The ego wants what is familiar, because it is basically uncomfortable with change. Its job is to create continuity.

If something is continuous, it is not miraculous. Miraculous events are not continuous with what happened before them. They represent a shift of energy, a movement out of past perception, past limitation. They are unpredictable, unexpected and in many cases inscrutable.

You call them miracles because God's hand is in them. But without your permission, they could not take place. Without your surrender of the past, miracles could not come into your life.

You prepare the ground for them. You create the space in which they occur.”

 

The Art of Self-Acceptance

Every lesson that comes into your life asks you to open your heart and mind in a new way.
Old defense mechanisms that are no longer needed for your survival must be surrendered.
Inch by inch, the territory claimed by fear open’s to love's embrace.

Paul Ferrini Everyday Wisdom. www.paulferrini.com

 

Julia Day 2012

 

At The Light Tree this summer we have been practicing sitting with present-moment awareness and noticing our ego attempt to distract us with stories that gloss over the truth of who we are. Annie gives this account of uncovering deeply held self-loathing that was masquerading as perfectionism and esthetic good taste…

 

 

 

 

 

 

A couple of weeks ago, I took a week-long portrait painting class here in Victoria.  Although having trained and worked as an art historian for several decades, I had never made any art myself as an adult until about five years ago, when I started a weekly life-drawing class.  Drawing has been hugely challenging, but now to be tackling painting: this was on a whole other tier of difficulty.

As the portrait painting workshop unfolded, I moved from happy expectation to total frustration.  By class-end on day four, I was on the verge of tears from sheer discouragement, bafflement, and disappointment.  I started to really embrace victim mode.  It didn't help, when I got to my car, that I had the third of three hefty parking tickets in two days, despite diligently paying sizeable parking fees!  The ego was really starting to get its stride.  Over a painting class!!!   

Next day, the last day of the program, I was re-grounded (I thought), having renewed my commitment to present moment awareness.  I set the intention of simply witnessing the art-making process without attachment to outcome.  My painting teacher, a person of considerable awareness, reminded us to approach painting without self-judgment.  But by mid afternoon, I was in full-blown extremis again.  There was only one option.  I would never paint again.  I would even stop my life-drawing classes, which I have loved for five years.  My relationship with art-making was over.

Next morning, I was lying in bed when once more the feelings around my painting impasse welled up.  As I stayed present with the almost incoherent, churning brew of negative emotion:  a mixture of distaste, aversion, frustration, sense of failure....., suddenly into my awareness came a sort of big bubble of absolute self-hatred, like gas erupting from the floor of a swamp.  The self-loathing was palpable and profound. 

As someone who thinks she has a reasonable sense of self-worth, I was shocked.  Interlaced with it or an offshoot of it was also deep disgust for what I would call a flawed aesthetic sense.  I have spent decades studying the likes of Michelangelo, Leonardo, Rembrandt, Turner, Monet, and Van Gogh.  In the world of form, they're a tough act to follow.  But I knew this was simply a cover for a deep hatred of what I believed to be my own flawed-ness. 

The ugly face of perfectionism, which in the past I had glossed over as benign good taste, had revealed itself. The experience was liberating.  Over the past couple of weeks, I have simply continued to be present with the insight around self-loathing; it has sort of hovered and matured and alchemized with other teachings about our inherent wholeness and perfection. 

The hunt for perfection in the world of form seems in direct inverse relation to an awareness of our inner perfection.  I am making art again, drawing and even painting, from a different place.  All the qualities I sought to capture in my art but thought were elusive, I can now see are already there.  I feel freer to rest in the being-ness of the process.  I feel like some of the litter in the path of my own particular flavour of creative expression and aesthetic joy has been turfed and I am resting a little more in the truth of who I am, who we all are.

About us: 2012

“Never forget how swiftly this life will be over, like a flash of summer lightning or the wave of a hand. Now that you have the opportunity to practice the Dharma, do not waste a single moment on anything else, but with all your energy and effort practice the Dharma”.

Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche (Graceful Exits: How Great Beings Die, 1997)

It has been a year since Marcy and Melanie began discussions about The Light Tree and what it might mean to those interested in following a spiritual path. They met several years earlier while attending regular meditation practice with Julia Day and a host of Mighty Companions such as Tomas Vieira, Nouk Sanchez, Gary Renard, Sarah Pilkington and David Hoffmeister.

Their common desire was to explore how they might ‘heal their minds’ of illusory thoughts, beliefs and desires. They wanted to inquire into the nature of all beliefs that were obstacles to the awareness of Love’s Presence so they might experience the peace of their True Nature. Their guiding principles came from A Course In Miracles but are deeply grounded in the teachings of Buddha, Jesus, Adyashanti, Gangaji, Pema Chodron, Paul Ferrini, Cynthia Bourgeault and a host of philosophers, writers and teachers, both ancient and modern.

In the fall of 2011 they were joined by Christine, a talented art therapist and graphic recorder, and Annie, art historian and cranio-sacral therapist. They brought a deep creative and intellectual knowledge to the Light Tree that enriched and broadened its perspective.

All four women represent a variety of experiences, from pregnancy to grandparenthood, from the professional world, to life with a chronic illness. All hold at least one university degree and bring academic as well as spiritually guided rigour to their inquiry. Most importantly, they all share the common experience of parenthood and have found that children are among our greatest teachers.

Direct experience of spiritual guidance is the hallmark of Light Tree; they have learned to ‘Rest in God’ and allow their weekly gatherings to unfold spontaneously. This allows for a deepening trust in guidance as spirit flows through them with its miraculous wisdom. They bring their daily life experiences into the sphere of pure non-judgment and delight in the insights that arise between them.

The deep love and respect they hold for each other can only have come to fruition through an agreement between their souls. None of them has ever emerged as group leader or facilitator and all share their talents and insights equally. They regard the inevitable posturing of their ego with benign good humour and give eternal thanks that they have the opportunity to practice together.

A key portion of each weekly gathering is spent in silent meditation following discussion of recent books, articles, Facebook posts and other group experiences. Direct experience of spiritual guidance and total commitment to love, their True Nature, guides them to record their insights while living in a contemporary world. This blog is their testament to living the Truth while they awaken on their journey to the pure essence of One-ness where all sentient beings reside.  

Relinquishing the False Self

"The false-self is made up of millions of unrecognized judgments, beliefs, values and opinions; all from the past. Not one of these is true and none of them make up who we are; instead, they fabricate who we are not. The truth of 'who' we are, stands entirely free of any of these. In fact, we will not know who we are until these erroneous shreds of identity have been seen and willingly released. We won't know the truth of who we are, until we're willing to look within and systematically exhume and relinquish everything that we are not."

'The End of Death' by Nouk Sanchez. www.undoing-the-ego.org/articles.html

How do we stand in the Truth and release our ‘erroneous shreds of identity’ so that they can be ‘seen and willingly released?’ At the Light Tree we have been working diligently to let go of the false self and release ‘everything that we are not’ so that we free ourselves from self-limiting beliefs. This has led us to some incredibly rich discussions as we learn to view the events in our lives in a new light.

One thing is certain; our tool of transformation is forgiveness. It is helpful to witness our delusions with compassion. However, this does not mean that we wallow in self-pity or use excuses to give them false power. We stand firm in saying that they are not welcome to masquerade as meaningful parts of our lives any longer.

We have noticed that It is helpful to engage with the false images as they arise with complete non-judgment and mindful intention. If we can sit and witness these illusory aspects of self using our felt sense we can more easily forgive and release them. Yes, we agree it’s a practice that takes a great deal of dedication and commitment. There is no doubt that life presents us with myriad opportunities to try this for ourselves!

Julia recently described how bringing awareness to previously held beliefs that seemed locked in her arm revealed even deeper layers of growth and expansion. What may have been a problematic physical condition was rapidly transformed by bringing mindful, compassionate awareness to it:

“Thank you Mighty Companions for holding space for me while I explored my arm some more... afterwards it was amazing ... not a hint of fatigue, nothing, just immense Awareness in place of suffering…by allowing the witnessing to occur the whole thing was healed”. 

Time after time we are shown the value of bringing rigorous honesty to our stories and dissolving self-limiting beliefs. We are certain that surrendering of all of what we believe ourselves to be leads us to spiritual awakening. We have been shown repeatedly that it is only identification with our F.E.A.R (False Evidence Appearing Real) that leads us away from the eternal peace that is our true nature.